My last day of work was yesterday, Friday. Half way through the day, I panicked, ready to resign from resigning. I can’t do this! I’m not done… I’ll never get it all done in time! I was, as usual, both wrong and right. I didn’t get it all done, but I was able to leave. Jeanette and Naro stayed as long as they could, helping me carry out to the car my boxes of files, desk side treasures, and overflowing bags of farewell gifts and cards. At 7:00 pm, the last one to leave the building, I walked out the side door into the alleyway, listened to the door shut and click behind me and walked alone to my car as dusk settled on the winding back lanes of Kalihi.
The next morning, Peter and I hopped a plane to Hilo to work on our Waimea house, handle family finances, and spend time with his mom.
As I stood in my mother-in-law’s sunny kitchen, she picked up a white and green ceramic dish she’s had by her stove forever. “I’ve always liked this blessing”, she said, as I leaned over her shoulder to read it.
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
the rains fall soft upon your fields and,
until we meet again,
may God Hold you in the palm of His hand.
--An Irish blessing
My first thought was: I want to send this in my thank you notes to KPHC staff who showered me with gifts, cards and leis at my aloha potluck lunch, at a Lion Coffee health education department gathering, or when they stopped by my office in those final days as I tried futilely to file and finish the un-finishable. The opihi in me is built to cling and clumsy at letting go.
Today I am in mourning for a time in life that is suddenly behind me, 12 years kaleidoscoping the way a long journey does when one reaches the end of it, suddenly seeming short, intense, and, well…over. Perhaps that is the sensation of the brain’s synapses packaging the experience for shrink wrap storage in the full closets of memory. At any rate, I am cross-legged in the closet door, pulling out pieces of the past few weeks, parsing, replaying, and re-living moments recorded but at the time barely felt. I dreamt effusively last night, and while what I recall seems mostly anxiety dreaming, I awoke feeling it was all for the good.
No comments:
Post a Comment