disconnect

I feel so junk. Today I get this lovely text message in the morning from Kalei: Got done with my 1st class, will call later. Love you. I text back to call after 7 and with my primitive 2-finger typist style it takes forever. So I'm looking forward to this call tonight. I put in a call about 7:10 and she calls back about 8-- or 11 pm her time. She sounds a bit tired, it is late there. A few minutes into the call I ask about her first class; she replies, "oh, it was easy, this will be an easy class"; I reply (oh so predictably) "I hope the others will be more challenging" to which she instantly reacts defensively and we're off to the races. We've done this a million times, and at home we'd be over it a few minutes (or hours) later. Both of us really tried to struggle back from that chasm of differing priorities, frustrated to find ourselves here at such a tender time. We managed to end the conversation with well meaning goodnight's and I love you's. Still I suspect we are both left licking our wounds (I know I am) when we really called each other for comfort and kindness in this strange world. This is new, this is hard, I don't want her to go to bed angry at me or at herself, both of which I heard in her voice. This too I will have to learn to live with--the bitter with the sweet and no quick resolutions.