a recent email from Kalei, followed by my response...amazing personal growth and communication!
Hey mom!
Sorry I didn't call this weekend, I went to the Earthdance festival on Friday after my midterm and meant to call you guys from there but it turned out I had no reception within 10 miles of the place...anyway, I had a great time, it was the vacation I needed - saw many great performances and a lot of good music and food. It was very dusty, and it got up to a 107 degrees on saturday, but luckily we were camped under a tree (unlike last year), and drank plenty of water. It was still over a hundred where we were, but it could have been worse. I ran into Anastasia at one of the main events, a band called Sound Tribe Sector Nine, as well as my current neighbor, and former neighbor.
The midterm I took before I left did not go very well. I studied really hard and I blanked as badly as I've ever blanked on a math test. I was positive I had failed it when I left, as there had been only five questions worth twenty points each, and each of them were the very problems, out of the hundreds of problems I'd worked, that I didn't master. I didn't let it ruin Earthdance for me, but it did not feel like the great reward I was hoping for after taking a difficult test (when I got there I actually took a 2 hour angry nap).
I got it back today and I didn't fail it, I got a D (62/100) but it was the happiest D i've ever gotten. On one particular problem (the only one I got full points on), my teacher wrote a note saying I was the only person (besides the person who aced the exam...) who was able to do it, and that I should be proud. I guess that counts for something, and it was nice of her, because I think it was apparent from the quality of my answers and my handwriting that I wasn't having the easiest time.
While we're on the subject of me screwing things up, on Monday I messed up our fly breeding lab by accidentally getting rid of the wrong flies. It normally wouldn't be a big deal but it was the same vial in which all the flies died and we had to redo, something that took longer than it needed to. I am in the process of fixing it, and my lab partners are easy going people so no one is too mad at me, but it does set us back even more, and we're now cutting it pretty close...thanks to kelly.
When it happened I didn't even realize it at first. I finished and began putting things away, and I recall thinking 'Wow, that was easy'. I then immediately remembered how Dad had always said that when things seem too easy, to be very suspicious, not to let your guard down. After I thought of that I looked down at my data and got this horrible sinking feeling as I realized I made a mistake impossible to undo. I really had to fight back the urge to simply regress- return to my old habits, give up, run out of the lab, go to sleep and deal with it later like a horrible hangover. That really wasn't an option though, so instead I took a deep breath, came up with a plan, finished doing the thing I'd come in there to do, left, and called my lab partner to confess.
On another note, I took my first biometrics midterm yesterday and I think I did really well (and hopefully my assumption is right).
Anyway, that life the last few days. I have to go to class now, but I will talk to you guys soon,
love you!
Kalei
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Kalei,
well, this subject of this email line ..."the worst" turns out to be quite appropriate for the conversation below; and it does feel like a conversation...perhaps it's the rich and complex description you offer of these events, the inner conflicts and resolutions unleashed in the process... or just that all the ups and downs, failures and triumphs, sound so very familiar. I'm very proud of you for how you are handling all of this. That you are able to take responsibility for the mistakes and ride the waves of misfortune and find good things in the midst of the horse doo-doo is far more important than doing it all perfectly. Of course I want things to always go well for you, but such is not life. Today, I find myself at 4 pm after a day at home mostly doing KKV work, having not gotten to nearly what I expected cause things just took longer than I predicted (as they just about always do -- how do I fool myself that way all the time?) So I must struggle not to feel anxious or inadequate and to be content with what I can accomplish. And I'm dealing with it by taking a break and writing to you! :) Yeah, just like you, Dad and I continue to make mistakes, some of which cannot be undone, but most of which can be adjusted to, forgiven, and lived with.
Some mistakes I don't know how people find the strength and grace to live with -- don't know if I could do it -- like I was reading today about a young man with "meth mouth" -- started using at age 14, by 19 all his teeth were rotting, falling out, and he had great pain. He quit using at age 22, is now 26 and getting dental work thanks to a devoted Kalihi dentist, still suffers from lots of oral pain, but can look at himself in the mirror now and is determined to get past all this. Anyway, digression, you know me...
Glad you had a great vacation at the festival and it makes us so happy to see you making delicious omlettes with all those slightly cracked eggs you've been trying to juggle and mostly keeping in air... and I've run out of steam with this metaphor. Yup, as Charles Dickens said in one of those tales of his "It was the best of time, it was the worst of times..."
Love you, Mom
